Navigating Thanksgiving’s Awkward Money Conversations
How to Handle Unsolicited Financial Advice Without Losing Your Cool
Thanksgiving is more than a holiday—it’s a time to reconnect with family and friends, reflect on what matters, and, if we’re being honest, survive the occasional awkward conversation. While politics might take the spotlight after a big election, money tends to sneak into discussions, too.
Whether it’s unsolicited advice about your finances or outright judgment of your choices, these moments can feel stressful. Relatives may mean well, but they often lack the full context of your life. Still, that doesn’t stop them from offering opinions—sometimes condescending, misplaced, or just plain wrong.
The good news? You don’t have to engage. You have options for how to handle these moments, and this guide will walk you through a few common scenarios and strategies.
“Why Are You Still Renting?”
You’re passing the mashed potatoes when an older relative asks, “Why are you still renting? You’re just throwing your money away. Why not buy a house?”
This can feel loaded, especially if you’ve already thought long and hard about your housing decisions. Here are a few ways to respond:
Explain Your Perspective
“I’d love to buy a house eventually, but with interest rates still high, it doesn’t feel like the right time. Renting works well for me right now—it saves me the hassle of home maintenance and is often less expensive month-to-month. Plus, it gives me more flexibility to focus on [work/family/other priorities]. It might not be forever, but it’s the best choice for me at the moment.”Politely Redirect
“Thanks for the advice, Uncle Jim. I’ll keep that in mind!”
This response acknowledges their comment without opening the door for debate, letting you pivot the conversation.Set a Boundary
“What I do with my money is a personal decision, but I appreciate your concern.”
This lets them know the topic isn’t up for discussion without escalating the tension.
“Why Are You Paying So Much for Child Care?”
Now imagine you’re settling into dessert when a relative says, “Why are you paying so much for child care? Honestly, it might make more sense for the mother to stay home—child care often costs more than she earns anyway.”
This comment can feel dismissive of your circumstances and carries outdated assumptions. Here’s how you can respond:
Highlight the Bigger Picture
“Child care is expensive, no doubt, but it allows us to focus on our careers and build long-term stability for our family. Plus, having our kids socialize with others their age is important to us—it’s not just about the cost.”Acknowledge the Complexity
“It’s definitely not cheap, but we’ve thought it through, and this works best for us right now. Everyone’s situation is different.”Challenge the Assumptions
“You’re right—child care can be expensive, and it’s even harder for families who earn less. That’s why I think we should work as a society to make it more affordable and accessible. It’s not just about one family’s decision—it’s a bigger issue.”Set a Firm Boundary
“We’ve put a lot of thought into this, and it’s what works for our family. I appreciate your concern, but this isn’t something we need advice on.”
“You Should Really Invest in Crypto!”
And then there’s the self-proclaimed investing expert in the family—the cousin who corners you near the stuffing to say, “You should’ve invested in crypto before the election! You’re really missing out if you’re not doing that.”
Whether or not crypto is the investment of the moment, unsolicited advice like this can feel more like a boast than a helpful tip. Here are your options:
Deflect Gracefully
“Thanks for the tip, Cousin Rob. I’ll give that some thought!”
This keeps the peace while politely disengaging from the conversation.Share Your Thought Process
“I’ve talked with my financial planner about this, and we decided that a more conventional approach—stocks, bonds, and broad diversification—aligns better with our goals. Crypto doesn’t fit into that strategy right now, but I appreciate the suggestion!”Set a Boundary
“I’m glad crypto has worked out for you, but I’m not looking for investment tips right now. If I ever need advice, though, you’ll be the first to know!”
Wrapping It Up: Navigating Unsolicited Advice
Thanksgiving is a time for connection, but it’s also prime season for unsolicited advice. Whether the comments you hear are benign, condescending, or just plain wrong, remember that you have options.
You can:
Explain your approach if you feel like sharing your reasoning.
Deflect politely with a simple, “Thanks, I’ll think it over.”
Set boundaries by shutting down the conversation entirely.
The key is to handle these moments in a way that works for you. You don’t owe anyone an explanation about your financial decisions—especially not at the Thanksgiving table. Whether you choose to engage or move on, what matters most is that you protect your peace and enjoy the holiday on your terms.
