When “Learn More” Is Just Gaslighting

When you’re underpaid, overworked, and overwhelmed, being told to “just learn more about money” isn’t helpful—it’s a distraction from what actually needs to change.

If you’re living paycheck to paycheck, being told to study amortization schedules isn’t helpful—it’s insulting. Let’s talk about why this “just be smarter” advice misses the point entirely.

April is Financial Literacy Month. Which is a little like if April were also called “Clean Your Room Month,” and your landlord who hasn’t fixed the heater in three years stopped by to say, “You know, you’d be happier if you just kept things tidier.”

There is nothing wrong with understanding how money works. In fact, it’s good. I’m a financial planner. I think knowledge matters. But I also think a lot of the messaging this month is missing the point—in ways that are discouraging, distracting, and sometimes deeply insulting.

Let’s say you’re stressed about money. You’re not sure how to keep up with housing, childcare, or the rising cost of everything. You want to be smarter about money, but you also want your life to feel more manageable. If the advice you’re getting boils down to “learn how amortization works,” then you’re not the problem. The advice is.

Knowledge alone won’t save you

In my practice, I meet a lot of smart, thoughtful people who beat themselves up for not knowing more about Roth IRAs or mutual funds or how taxes work. But here’s the thing: why would you know that stuff unless you’re obsessed with it, like I am? Who was supposed to teach you?

And even if you do learn it, it doesn’t mean you’ll know how to apply it to your life—or that you'll have the time, capacity, or support to follow through. Knowing that it’s smart to make a will doesn’t mean you’ve made one. (I’ll admit it—my wife and I haven’t either.)

There’s a difference between knowledge and agency. Between knowing what you should do, and having the time, money, support, and energy to do it.

The context always matters

I worked with a couple who’d just bought a home. One of their parents, who’s a financial advisor, kept urging them to pay off the mortgage early. And sure—that’s not “bad” advice. But is it the right advice for this couple?

Maybe not. Paying more toward the mortgage might mean fewer resources for travel, mutual aid, or simply working fewer hours in order to be more present with their kid. And if they’re still on track for retirement with minimum payments, what’s the point of accelerating it?

So often, the advice we’re given assumes that the goal is to maximize wealth. But what if the goal is to build a life that feels aligned, humane, and possible? Then the math isn’t the whole story. You have to factor in your values.

It’s not a knowledge gap. It’s a policy failure.

If someone’s paycheck barely covers rent and groceries, the issue is not their ignorance about interest rates. The issue is wages. And housing. And childcare. And a system that has been structurally designed to push people into debt and then profit from it.

Banks are happy to sponsor financial literacy initiatives while continuing to write 30-page fine-print contracts no one can understand. If they cared about your confidence, they’d make the documents readable. But confusion is profitable. So is shame. So is the story that if you’re struggling, it’s because you didn’t try hard enough.

Financial literacy is not a bad thing. But when it’s the only thing offered—instead of decent wages, affordable housing, healthcare, or structural change—then it becomes a distraction.

It becomes gaslighting.

What actually helps

If you do have some financial capacity—maybe you’re earning a decent income, or you’ve managed to avoid credit card debt—but you still feel lost? That’s not uncommon either. You might benefit from literacy, yes. But more than that, you might need help doing the things: choosing investments, updating beneficiaries, or making a plan that reflects your values.

You might not need someone to teach you. You might need someone to sit beside you and say, “Let’s do this together.”

And for the record, if you’re struggling with money right now, that is not a personal failure. It’s not a lack of discipline or intelligence. It’s not something you should be ashamed of. It’s the natural outcome of an economy that wasn’t built for people to thrive.

What would it look like to build a system that helped people thrive?

That’s the question I want to ask this Financial Literacy Month.