Why “What’s New?” Is the Worst Conversation Starter (and What to Ask Instead)

Navigating small talk: How better questions can lead to deeper, more meaningful connections this holiday season.

The holidays bring gatherings where you’re bound to reconnect with colleagues, family, and friends you haven’t seen in a while. Inevitably, someone will ask: “What’s new?”

It’s a question that, on the surface, seems polite and engaging. But let’s be honest—it often leaves both the asker and the respondent floundering.

When someone asks me “What’s new?”, I immediately freeze. Do they mean at work? In my personal life? With my hobbies or travel? And what counts as “new”? Are we talking about the past week, month, or five years since we last spoke?

The result is often a vague, meandering response that feels unsatisfying to both parties. That’s because “What’s new?” doesn’t give the other person much to work with. It’s too broad, too unfocused, and often feels like a placeholder for genuine curiosity.

The Problem with “What’s New?”

At its core, “What’s new?” reflects a lack of intention in conversation. It’s the kind of question you ask when you want to connect but don’t have a specific question in mind. And while it’s not inherently bad, it rarely leads to meaningful dialogue.

Instead, it puts the burden on the other person to interpret the question and decide how to respond. For many people, this can trigger overthinking: What do they want to hear? What’s interesting enough to share? Am I boring them?

The result? A conversation that fizzles out before it begins.

Better Questions for Deeper Connections

If you want to move past surface-level small talk and foster more meaningful conversations, the key is to ask thoughtful, open-ended questions that invite the other person to share something specific.

Here are a few alternatives to “What’s new?” that can spark connection:

• “What did you to today?”
  This question is a great conversation starter because, as author John Hodgman notes, everyone did something today. 

• “What’s been keeping you busy these days?”
  This is a gentler way to ask about work or hobbies without making assumptions about their priorities.

• “What’s something you’ve been enjoying recently?”
  Whether it’s a new book, a hobby, or a favorite TV show, this question creates space for positivity and shared interests.

How to Respond When Someone Asks “What’s New?”

Of course, you can’t control what others ask you—but you can steer the conversation in a more engaging direction.

If someone asks you “What’s new?”, here’s a tip: instead of listing updates, redirect the question to something more meaningful. For example:

• “Hmm, lots of little things! But what about you—what’s been exciting for you lately?”

• “That’s a great question. I’ve been enjoying [share one specific thing], but tell me about you—what’s something you’ve been up to recently?”

By reframing the conversation, you take the pressure off yourself and create an opportunity for a deeper connection.

Why This Matters

Better conversations aren’t just about making small talk less awkward—they’re about creating opportunities for genuine connection. When you ask thoughtful questions, you show the other person that you value their experiences, perspectives, and feelings.

This is especially important in a world that often feels isolating and transactional. Taking the time to engage meaningfully with others—whether it’s a coworker at the office holiday party or a distant cousin at a family gathering—can make a real difference in how you and others feel.

Final Thoughts

The next time you’re tempted to ask “What’s new?”, challenge yourself to go deeper. And if you find yourself on the receiving end of that question, don’t be afraid to redirect the conversation to something more engaging.

Meaningful connections start with meaningful questions. This holiday season, let’s make our conversations count.